RBn, ha

well guess where RBn came into picture.it so happened that i got a mail from ashu n i instantly replied her, he replied back saying i write cheerful mails n he mentioned RBn again...n juss now i realised that their nicknames rhyme(nair n nayyar).....no wonder he has such a biggggg crush on her!!!

Neways, been an eventful time..today was that shitty lab again, the biochimie one, i m sick of both the gals(agnes n gaelle) n raphael...ufffff, he juss sucks....guess one of these days, i m gonna burst both their heads' open....

had a nice mail exchange with baldi after i called up nishu yesterday...talked to him n prani too...it felt nice to hear prani's voice after such a long time...he lost the convenor elections, tch tch tch!!!! nishu was sweet as usual.....n only god can explain me why n how she has not been writing to me..its been more than 3 months since i got a mail from her, considering that she is one of my dearest frnds back home(n she knows that too) n i m looking forward to spending atleast 2 more memorable years with her.....

Life is gr8 with me resting well n sleepin a lot n not studying at all n ofcourse lots n lots of movies n music now...i m happy beyond limits now n slowly realising my mistakes n pledging never to repeat them.....

I seem to be catching another cold now(8th in 8 months, dont know what to do or say......)

neways, got to mug now,

How's life treating you, my friend??

This is the favourite line of my friend Mirza, whenver he greets somebody. Sounds like coming from a muslim, haina..but I have been giving a lot of thought to it. Is it our life which treats us or is it we who treat our life. Are we just a part of a grand scheme, just pawns in the huge game called,"Destiny"......or masters of our free will, which not only dictates our actions and our future, but also that of the people around us.

I stick with the second thought. Life is nothing but a set of coincidences; a series of random, highly unrelated events whose only purpose(events have as much purpose for their happening as we have of makng them happen) is to increase the overall randomness(read entropy) of this universe.

After all, I didn't study thermodynamics out of vain.

Neways, yesterday was quite a day. I organised a small party for the Indians here, so colours were out, music was on(with my fav RANG BARSE......), i bought sum brownies, chips, cakes and coke pour s'amuser........

So there was everybody-futhcas, bhavan , punni, murali, sandy, even our very own NRIs,the ABCDs...Sid n Anjali.......Anjali was looking more and more beautiful, she is a very sweet girl and I could see that she enjoyed the evening with us........and of course our very own fun loving harsh,our man in Lyon.

SO while we made a whole lot of ruckus in our room, eating, laughing, cracking jokes, dancing(yes, and i mean the gigolo dance by junior)....harsh decided it was time to play pranks. So then came the banging on the doors, runnin around couples, saturday night fever....among others. On sid's request, we all went to the Kfet, but finding no exchange student there, we were dejected. Sid called up his frnds and so we went to the Parc de la feyssine and played ,"capture the flag", a kind of a fishy mixture of Quake3 and Hide n Seek.....;it was a wonderful night, and all of us happily went back to sleep at 2 am(after everybody wished Anjali a happy bday ofcourse)

I was happy at succesfully organised the party....it was the first by an Indian ever since we came here, and it ave me confidence to organise a similar thing soon for our "firangi" frnds as well....

And guess what, i lost my wallet..............and missed my Cluny trip as well

SO i ve spent my day sleeping, cleaning, reading," one year in MERDE", which Sabrina gracefully lent me. Its a stupid pervertish shit which mocks the french to the extreme. I try not to think much about it, because I really do not want to crib about the french once I reach back home. I just wanna be happy n cheerful n pessimistic bout evrything, chill ...bas chill.......no tension of studies, sports, health, bandis, ghar....nothing at all

Bas kabhi kabhi ek bahut close frnd ki kami mehsoos karta hun........somebody who sends me cute, affectionate SMSes everyday, who motivates me when I am low, who is prepared to hear all my theories about new techniques of cricket, with whom I should never need to feign a conversation, who should share a dinner a me neday, netime; and who will never go away............because then I won't need to worry about how close he or she is to my heart.....

Its funny, isnt it. France has taught me how to make frnds, how to fight for them; but now I am so disillusioned with this whole thing called 'emotional bonding' that I just wanna be left alone..........permanently.

Maybe I do need a companion, and not just to share a meal or a light joke; but to share my life........how I wish she would come back.

Of holi n colours of this world

its not holi, infact i have no idea when is holi but it was celebrated in iit today..and that is what matters to me..........

i mean how does it matter if holi is today or tomorrow, for me the real holi will be the day i ll play n enjoy with pals......and how so much i m missing that thing i did at iitd

ab to third yr mein aur bhi maza aata, bcoz frndsships become stronger n also the gals cum into the picture........lagta ki bade ho gaye hain, kyun

neways, pragya buzzed me today n informed me tha the entire insti was playing holi......then aaj maine bahut chatting kari, wishing everybody holi n trying to renew sum old bonds, toi hurt me a lot by saying things like parameters have changed etc......but i m happy now.for me nothing has changed, what changes is the state of mind

i went for a jog today with marc, asked him his views bout luv, came to 2 conclusions

a) Luv is a state of mind
b) In case of luv bw a boy n a gal, there is always an importance for the otehr person, He/she shud have an importance in ur life.....

now i m convinced of the correctness of ehr decisions, of the traquility of my mind, of the honesty of our relationship, of my bleeding heart which is healing itself slowly.........

went to the Kfet this evening, had half a bottle of aromatised beer,marc finished the rest for me.its raining now, so quite coldm tom is free.....so plans for tennis, gre, project work, maybe a movie or two.........

i repeat again, life has never been better

Showers of blessings.....

well, I am back and soon too......coz i just realised that i ve been blessed by the showers of blessings.....

As things have turned out to be, I take long showers now.....like I used to do in India after a jog every saturday last summer. But that is where the similarity ends, in india the cold showers served to energise me, wipe all the sweat and dust and petrol n diesel n LPG(or is it CNG, hell PCRA will kill me)......and it was the shower of a stupid immature boy in distress crying for help.

NOw, here in France is a totally different shower.....its a warm shower acting as a natural therapeutic agent,relaxing my muscles, putting off the cold on my throat in the morning, keeping my mind at a moderate and normal temperature which allows me to think properly.....it speaks, it heals!!

But i was talking about the shower right. So every morning i wake up and say my prayer in bed(which hasnt changed for a long long time, i sumtimes forget saying it, but then i compensate for it by repeating it in the night), then i put on my slippers and enter the shower immediately after i m done with the loo n stuff..... its a standard drill, i take my towel and my undies, my body soap, the baby oil(for the dry skin), the shampoo(for the non-existent hair, but it just keeps the dandruff at bay)...;the undies are always the same place, the towel hasnt been washed off for ages.....the sameness of the routine baffles me, and then i think about it in the shower!!

infact there r dozens of things u can do in a shower....;but i think, i dont shag, i dont move around shaking my belly assuming i m dancing with julia roberts, i dont sit n cry, i dont smoke, i dont dream, i dont wish or hope or pray, i dont sing or try any of those activities which i cant do generally....;i do what i do most of the time, think!!! I excerise the gray matter, which , together with the warm water pouring slowly on my head, acts as a much needed relaxant......the good thoughts come in, the bad thoughts go away!!

Every day in the shower, i think about my future, my ambitions, my aims, my parents, my friends, my loved ones...;i think about me....its a small universe in a petit cubicle 2 feet by 2 feet.......;its MY universe.

Everyday, my ambitions change, my aims change, my thoughts, feelings, emotions change. They change with me, they change as I change......they change with this changing world....small, insignificant changes, but nevertheless, this change is the only constant thing in my life.....and the water slowly washes the sameness away.

The sameness returns to hunt me the entire day...the same classes, the same yawns, the same fears, the same thoughts, the same phone calls, ...infact it begins as soon as i am wiping myself when I feel my body....I feel the thin hand, the non-existent chest muscles, the same body which i have nurtured and cared for for 19.5 years, and which hasnt changed from as far as I can remember.....The same body holding the same mind which thinks the same things, craves for the same desires ever since I ve noticed its cravings.....

The sameness returns!!!

There shall be showers of blessings,
showers of blessings we need,
Now as to God we're confessing,
Now as to Jesus we plead..........

AFTER 

BEFORE 

well well well.....

well its been a nice day till now...yesterday , i went to the doc(allah khair kare.......) for my highly awaited appointment....and it turned outt o be exactly what i feared....the "desensibilization" of my fingers is turning out to be permanent now......and frankly speaking , it hasnt bothered me at all.....infact it is serving as a motivaitng factor for me like all other motivating factors now!!

Neways, i m bunking a highly boring biochemistry class now to sit on the comp.....the funny thing is that I have attended only 2 of the 8 classes that have been held so far and I have no plans to attend any more in the recent future now....GOd save me

Vive la France!!

Well i was just thinking of how much i have changed in the past few months....i mean by face(and ofcourse by some traits of nature too)....so let me upload a few photos and try out this new software and show u the difference........(the photos are above u)

Neways, i saw this yesterday....a piece of absolute crap....I have plans for this this weekend......and also wanna see HITCH the latest hollywood comedy where Will smith is the date doctor.....this is the week of cinema in France and all halls r showing movies at 3,5 euros( sorry but i still dont know how to type the euro sign on this french keyboard, although the bloody symbol is just in front of me)

Neways, thats all for now......today I plan to revise my wordlist, learn some new words, attend a boring 4 hour prac, then play tennis, go to Gym....go to Kfet, study something, watch a movie or two......plenty of things to do....life has never been so relaxing before.....

cya later

A happy life

Sometimes i think a lot about the purpose of life. Infact, that's all I do all the time. For every action I take, the thought crosses my mind as to whether I ll be benefitting from it or no. All this started when I came to IIT. Right from the first day at the mess when we were forced to wear the shirts and pants in the burning heat and with classes in MS702, i used to savour every bite of the food i take. It was delicious, and I used to eat it bite by bite, spoon by spoon, thinking of how each is giving me energy to withstand this world.

I do the same things even now.....;and i do it all the time. But now, I like myself. True, I feel things could have been different but I no longer think of past now. I try to think less of the future too.....its only the present which crosses my mind now....

I haven't changed. My prayers are the same, so are my dreams, so are my complexes, so are my jealousies, i have seen different people ,tasted many cuisines, but essentiallly the happiness, the sorrows, the shivers, the cold, the laughs..;they are all the same.

yesterday, i saw this, a good entetaining movie. I slept soundly, waking up to some back pain but again each time I wake up, its the same old pain, the pleasurable pain of living this life....of living each day with hope, hope that I will find answers to all my questions some day.

another eventful day

well it was another eventful day yesterday.......i practically played the entire day, bought a tennis racket, a football and a pair of neww sports running shoes to amuse myself. Everything's been going well till now........;i played tennis with arturo and then went and played football with the bloodsucking brasilians. I think the footy was the best part, as we played for almost 2 hours and i also put in 3 goals, but gave many too. Overall, I played well enough and learnt some things too......I wish to go and play reglarly and improve my game too.

GRE prep is going soundly although no certain momentum and rhythm has been reached. I spent a lot of time memorising words and pondering at
web based dictionaries .......also a great hell of a time at my fav newspaper

Well, finally life seems to be less tense and more directed now.....now that the ga i loved and still love has made her feelings clear. For the past to days, I am trying to divert myself from her thoughts as much as I can but i think the heavy emotions just dont let it go

Neways, so i have seen three good over the past 3 daysthis, this,and
this......all three good classics and make me think more about achieving happiness in life.

I am working on being less sensitive and emotional now, and enjoying life like everybody else. And I think I am succeeding in it to some extent too. I really hope t enjoy the last two years of my stay at IITD and then get into professional life with great content and surity about myself.

anyways, another good thing, I went to Ayers Rock on Friday night with MArc, libby and Sandeep. We met some of Marc's friends from the church, 3 gals called Ann, Celine and (ooops, i forgot the german gal's name)....I spent quite a lot of time talking to Celine(who incidentally is doing cinema at univ lyon-1) and we talked about movies, especially kubrick and sum other movies. She wasnt really very interested in making a long conversation but it was nice as it was my first trip to Ayer's rock. My efforts at not drinking are going well as I took just an Orange juice that day, and didnt have any temptation of drinking inspite of the fact that sadhika had broken off with me finally that day. I am not depressed and quite proud of my will power at doing this.

I chatted with ashu today for a while and for sum time with nagar too......I forgot ashu's bday and i really wanna kick my ass now. But I hope he doesnt have any hard feelings about it. In any case, we know and understand each other well and I am sure he is not going anywhere........

hii

hii,

well since i am returning to bloggin after a long time...lemme introduce u to myself!!

I am sahil, a 19 year old highly confused guy who is trying to come to terms with many things in his life........i had stopped blogging since I thought it was a way to show-off but now i hope this will be a good way to get back to some lost people and make new friends..........

Well thats all for now, I gotta go play tennis now....I ll come back with some photos and introduce you all to my friends........