Ah! The rainbow never came

Its 11:37 Pm and I am dead tired. Its been a really tiring day. Two days since my project really started and I ve been able to convince Michael that hard work is my biggest asset and I am not dumb enough not to work independently. He still refuses to let me work after 9 PM( though Tanmay stays here daily till midnight, Birte being obviously oblivious of this!!)

Anyways, it was a tiring day and i admit it. Starting with the Ammonium Sulphate precipitation, followed by the long and tedious gel filtration, discussion of the cloning project next and inoculation for the next construct. Add to it the buffers, the gels, the washes, the report writing, orkut, gmail and the fact that I have to cook lunch and dinner for 4 people daily; and you know why I work non-stop from 8 to 12.

Anyways, thats not the reason I am up so late writing this. I am here to describe the beautiful day today. It was an amazing day. Like all days, it drizzled throughout, but not without its share of intermitten sunshine. Couple that to the fact that I am on the top of a hill between the Swabian Alps and the black forest, and that the temperatures outside are toujours between 5 and 10 degrees, with pleasant breeze ....and you know how it feels to be in heaven.

I think i noticed it around 2 when I opened the window. My laptop is just in front of the huge window of my room on the 4th floor, and i usually keep the blinds shut. But I opened the blinds and lo, I saw the beautiful valley in front of me( trust me, i see the entire plain valley beyond Neckar- the river which flows through here, right upto the Swabian Alps)...basking with sunshine. But that was on the right side. Just in front of me, a huge cloud was passing over the city and downtown it was raining cats and dogs. The cloud had passed my hill so on the right side of the window was a flicker of sunshine and on the left side was darkness. And directly in front of me, in the sky, half of the sky was illuminated with the sun on the right, while the left half was a rapidly moving huge grey mass of cloud.

And this continued for the entire evening. Around 6 I went to the terrace(more about the terrace later), and i was treated to one of the most beautiful sights of my life. The hills in the front were partly clouded by rapidly moving clouds. The sun was alternating between regions and periods of shade and warmth. Far on the mountains, a little bit of the Hohenzollern castle could be seen. There were no clouds over the city and the view of the city was amazing. From a distance, I could see the tip of the Wurmlinger Kapelle could be seen. It was wet, it was chilly, it was exhilirating!!

Mountains have never failed to fascinate me. When I reached Shimla for the first time, the only thing that i noticed was that i could see the distant sun in the mountains while it was clouds above me. Next I also learnt to see rain(without any drops to be seen) at a distance because of the fact that i was on a hilltop. But these little tricks of nature have always amazed me, and will continue to do so.

I got free at 8:30. Dinner time. I had to urgently reach home. But no, I can always spend some more time at the terrace. Ahh!! Paradise. The hill in front of me was basking in sunshine. So was the valley. Downtown was half sun and half shade. The sun was behind me while the mountains in front were fully cloudy. I desperately looked around for a rainbow, but it never appeared.
I waited for another 15 minutes. The sun was switching back and forth. But the air was too dry by then. I had stopped raining half an hour ago. So there was no chance of the rainbow. But i waited and waited, and it never came.

I kept looking at the hill.....it seemed so near, yet it is so huge and steep. I haven't gone back there chiefly due to the weather, but mostly becuase i don't want to go there alone.

Or maybe because I want to go there alone, all by myself, in a way that nobody knows, not even me.......

Well if i work like this, I will surely sleepwalk some day and reach there!!

Now about the terrace...well my department has the luxury of having a terrace. Its quite large actually and hosts Friday get together( with free juice, beer and pretzels). The floor is completely made of wood and it has a no. of wooden chairs and tables. A welcome break from the lab, and the weather is invariably invigorating. Always great to have a cup of nice warm coffee or just for hanging out there.....last saturday, Tanmay and I sat in the chilly winds( i was just wearing a T-shirt) for an hour, drinking just juice and having "HAldiraam's dal namkeen" and listening to Green Day, Wake me up when september ends!! I can still recall the shiver in me, moments one never wants to forget......

And about the hill...well there is a hill in the middle of the city, the railway station and the river on one side of it, and the university on the other side....one slope of the hill is heavily inhabited, while the other is just barren. There is long grass on it, and from the terrace, it looks like a huge huge green park. They use it for sheep grazing in the summers and para-gliding in the winters. And it looks beautiful in the sunlight immediately after the rain..........

For better understanding, I am posting some google Map images here....


Tuebingen. The green patch in the center is the hill

My sweet little home. Its that little red house














Thats my home in comparison to the hill.









Uff...it took me an hour to write this post...with all the uploading n stuff.....good night!!

The Unknown Citizen

I read this poem in my 10th standard in "The pageant of poems". It was prescribed in our class 10th ICSE syllabus. Just found it somewhere....deserves to be read by all!!

(To JS/07/M/378 This Marble Monument Is Erected by the State)

He was found by the Bureau of Statistics to be
One against whom there was no official complaint,
And all the reports on his conduct agree
That, in the modern sense of an old-fashioned word, he was a saint,
For in everything he did he served the Greater Community.
Except for the War till the day he retired
He worked in a factory and never got fired,
But satisfied his employers, Fudge Motors Inc.
Yet he wasn't a scab or odd in his views,
For his Union reports that he paid his dues,
(Our report on his Union shows it was sound)
And our Social Psychology workers found
That he was popular with his mates and liked a drink.
The Press are convinced that he bought a paper every day
And that his reactions to advertisements were normal in every way.
Policies taken out in his name prove that he was fully insured,
And his Health-card shows he was once in hospital but left it cured.
Both Producers Research and High-Grade Living declare
He was fully sensible to the advantages of the Installment Plan
And had everything necessary to the Modern Man,
A phonograph, a radio, a car and a frigidaire.
Our researchers into Public Opinion are content
That he held the proper opinions for he time of year;
When there was peace, he was for peace; when there was war, he went.
He was married and added five children to the population,
Which our Eugenist says was the right number for a parent of his generation.
And our teachers report that he never interfered with their education.
Was he free? Was he happy? The question is absurd:
Had anything been wrong, we should certainly have heard.

-W.H.Auden

Sex and the City

I ve been surfing the net for some days now and been reading lots of blogs and good articles. A few minutes ago, I stumbled upon this and this led to me a journey which brought forward some very intresting statistics.

The question is a very fundamental one - of prostitution. Some call it the oldest occupation of mankind. Some people perceive it to be as natural and as acceptable as the fact that human beings wear clothes. But it is one of the most looked-down upon profession as well. Even in the most liberal and advanced of countries like Netherlands where prostitution is legal, there is always a negative connotation attached to it.

Firstly, I will venture forth to gove my opinions on the topic, before I disperse some very strong statistics. I have always been very "open-minded" and have tried to look at things with as little prejudice attached. Hence the idea of selling one's body for money should ideally not create a problem for me. But then i ask myself that do these girls actually want to sell their bodies?? I ve heard of people fascinated by movies and taking up highly exciting jobs, but I do not believe that some 16 year old girl saw Pretty Woman and thinks she will be able to find a Richard Gere.


In my opinion, no 16, 17 or 18 year old girl takes up prostitution as a first choice. It is always a compromise. And it is a BIGG compromise becuase unlike other job options, it is difficult to come back due to the disrespect attached with the profession.

It is OK to have fun with your body and sleep around with a no. of partners. In more liberal societies, this is widely accepted, and it would be very unlikely to find a 25 year old guy/girl in Europe who hasn't slept with at least a dozen different partners. Some of this is just for fun, i.e.,a real one night stand, and both the partners know that beforehand.

Then what is the difference. Say you live in Washington and are on a business trip to Montreal with your colleague who is an attractive married woman of 32. You are alone, desperate, drunk and have been flirting with her some time. You sleep with each other, wake up next morning and forget it. Very little stigma attached. Practically no guilt.

But, on the other hand, if you venture out to the red light district of the city and pay a hundred dollars to satisfy yourself, the guilt stays on for a long time. Most importantly, there is a huge guilt during the very act itself, and one would always feels insecure because the act if illegal.

That is my question. Both the acts are similar.Both involve making conscious choices. Still one is looked down upon as a social taboo while the other , well, it can pass off as 'justifiable' under some circumstances.

I think the reason why prostitution is considered so 'bad' is chiefly because of two factors.

a) The barbaric nature to which it may go.
b) The fact that a prostitute sleeps with multiple partners.

a) It is my opinion that with a prositute, one can do things which one cannot, or would not, do with a regular partner. Many of these acts satisfy the animal instincts of some males, and at times it is justifiable because your regular partner might not allow you to do such things. There can be a dozen fetished or fantasies which one may carry but cannot fulfill. But in general,many of these acts are 'inhuman' by common opinion; and one usually thinks of a prostitute when such things come into the picture.

b) The second reason is more fundamental. It is got to do with the basic human psyche, the concept of family, of not sharing bed partners. Sometimes, I really question fidelity in a relationship and ask myself as to why one cannot accept the fact that one's partner slept with somebody else. This is because commitment lends an undeniable security to the relationship. So, even if one sleeps with a colleague from office, one knows that the colleague is definitely not sleeping with a large no. of partners. A prostitute, on the other hand, is can be seen as a person , who, because of the fact that she sleeps with a large no. of men, can never provide that security. There is no possibility of a relationship, and the association was purely for pleasure for one and money for another.

Hence, the society built upon this rule and classified the prostitutes as 'bad' and 'vulgar' and made it the 'demeaning' profession that it currently is.

I think the second factor is a more important one. Even supporters of prostitution as 'just any other' profession would agree that a prositute cannot provide the security to a guy which comes from one of the many commitments. It is difficult to imagine a whore in love. True, there can be an emotional bonding(which is, ironically, my idea of love), but the requirement of physical fidelity with one partner cannot be maintained. Again, the institution of marriage cannot be applicable here as one of the major requirement for a marriage is that one will not share bed-partners.

I was just thinking of that Rajesh Khanna movie with Sharmila Tagore. My mom always loves this dialogues," Pushpa, tumhe kitni baar kaha hai. I hate tears pushpa i hate tears......" Was it Aradhana?

But is that reason enough to 'demean' prostitution the way it is done right now. I am sure there are thousands of girls doing respectable jobs by the day and leading a stripper's life in the night. They are leading life in a 'normal' manner like anybody else.

I think its just the way our society looks at them. It is ingrained in our religion( Thou shalt not commit adultery) and it has percolated our social fabric so much that prostitution has become a taboo that it is now.

However, there still are a few societies liberal enough to accept that prostitution is a wilful choice. Netherlands, Germany and New Zealand are classic examples. I was told that in Switzerland, parents take their kids(around 8-9 years old) to the red light areas, and tell them that this is one place where they should never come. The curiousity of the kids having been doused at such an early age, very few of them hardly venture out and seek sex when they are grown up.

But again, I doubt if the prostitute in these countries took up that profession as a first choice. But again calling it forced is not correct either. But there have been a no. of cases of forced traffiking with a no. of girls being smuggled from former Soviet Union into affluent European countries. Many of them come there to escape from the poverty-stricken life of their own country, and many of them do get to send money back home for their families. But its all about respect. Even if things change, it is not difficult for these girls to enter the 'mainstream' life.

I look at these girls in much the same way as i look at the Punjabis who go illegaly from the Doaba region of Punjab to Europe and the United States.

• They knew that the manner in which they went was illegal.
• They knew that the work they will have to do will not be highly respectful, but the exact nature of the work was not clear to them.
• They were doing it to escape from their poverty-stricken lifestyles.
• They were doing it to help themselves and their families.

I have never looked down upon such people, and I have often met some of them on my little excursions abroad. Some of them can be very friendly while others appear to be 'hardened criminals'. I do not even feel pity for them. At times, i totally understand what they did and why they did it. Infact, there are millions of indians doing the same, or thinking of doing the same. Some of my best friends are. The only difference being that these people do it illegaly while those millions find 'more respectable' and 'more legal' ways to run away from their life-styles and their families back home. Anyways, that is digressing from the point........

Same question again, why should I look down upon prostitutes??

Now, for the statictics:

1. Canada legalizes the trafficking of women by giving this little stripper a visa, to have these women face all kinds of indignities in these strip clubs. I think over the last six years they brought in about 2,300 strippers, mostly from Romania and Mexico and the Czech Republic and wherever.

If you are going to being these women in, can't you find them a respectable job?? I don't think Canada is doing anything good by giving these people a chance........though it is obviating the need for its own citizens to take up this profession. Again shows the discriminatory attitude....

2. Prostitutes pay tax in Holland and charge VAT from their customers, while in many Muslim countries, the penalty is death penalty.

3. In Brazil and Costa Rica prostitution per se is legal, but taking advantage or profit from others' prostitution is illegal. SAme with many other countries.

4. In Thailand, prostitution is illegal but the country was a hotbed of sex traffic throughout the 90s.

5.In all but two US States, the buying and selling of sexual services is illegal and usually classified as a misdemeanor. Regulated brothels are legal in several counties ofNevada. In Rhode Island, the bare act of sex for money is not illegal, but street solicitation and operating a brothel are.

I think you can find better stastistics on the net....one intersting thing. A UN survey found that the average age for a person in Delhi to lose his/her virginity is 18. I am 20 and I know that most of the 20 year olds I know are virgins. If this survey is correct, then Prostitution must be a blooming trade in Delhi.

In India atleast, I am reasonably sure that prostitution is not a profession of choice. Prostitutes are either duped/forced into the practise, or who take it up because they have been ostracized due to child abuse/rape etc. I can say that because of the 'pitiful working conditions' these girls live in and the kind of treatment the society metes out to them.

I will end with a cartoon which prompted me to think of how the society has sterotypically defined the roles of boys and girls, something which i believe in and accept , but thoroughly disagree with.

Sad Eye

Found this on the web..thought it deserved to be more appreciated!

To sorrow, I bade good morrow....

These are the opening lines of the new book that I started today- The return of the Native, by Thomas Hardy. I liked them so much that I put them on my orkut profile today. Finally, I have something meaningful on the "about me" field of my orkut profile.

Anyways, nothing new. More cooking, more orkutting, and more chatting...that's how life has been. Thursday was a holiday but I didn't go outside since the weather is not good for travel. True, i love rains but its foolish to go around cities looking at old churches and castles holding an umbrella and running the risk of cathching a cold.


For this same reason, I cancelled the Heidelberg trip yesterday and didn't go to Triberg today..although I did suggest those guys to go check the timings of the last train to Tuebingen- after the debacle last year.

Anyways, so yesterday Gentoo had two of his friends coming over from that INRIA in Sophia antapolis, where Bhagal interned last year and where Shobit is currently interning. Enterprising guys, they sure did wanna have fun. I had cooked food for six people but Tanmay didn't eat. So there were 2 cookers full of Rice, a mixed veggie( made with Aloo, cabbage and Red and Green capsicum) which the guys called Bhaji, Egg curry(those guys really liked it) and a huge bowl of "moongi dhuli dal." As expected, there was a lil mess but we guys had everything under control. WE made as little noise as possible, and cleaned up the kitchen as well as i could.

But, not surprisingly, Erica had problems with it. I knew that she would say SOMETHING after looking at me cooking meals for 4 people daily, and i was prepared for any kind of warning. But what infuriated me most was the way she sent her message across-via Isabelle.

So, Erica had her dinner around 9:30 and we guys had sat down to eat much later. It was 10:50 pm and we had just started our dinner when Isabelle arrived. She heard the sounds, entered the kitchen, expressed her amazement at the little party that was going on. Meanwhile, Erica had come out of her room and as soon as she saw me, she went inside. Then there was some chat in Italian between the two girls, and then Isabelle quietly came inside. To my delight, she sat at the empty seat on the dining table and started eating.

Evidently, she was very hungry and didn't have the courage to cook anything. And so began the taunts. From "You should open a restaurant" to " You cook such big meals everyday" to " Why these potatoes on the shelves" to " You cook, and they clean-that's right". I took them all in jest. But to calm her down, I told her that I ll be moving out pretty soon. I sure saw the look of relief on her face.

Isabelle thinks of we indians as we used to think of Spanish and Brasilians in Lyon- that we mix only with indians, speak in Hindi( or Hinglish) all the time , and don't make friends outside. She calls it the Indian MAfia. I wish I could explain her that we do only to save money coz eating the European way would make every meal worth 4-5 euros and not because we don't like Europeans. Infact, only today, we invited Julia and Birte to lunch and had a nice peaceful meal together. Only difference being that it was a little bit too formal, and the girls ate "Paranthas" with fork and knife.

Anyways, i think I am sounding like a house-wife now. I am not at all worried about household affairs but just that I wanted a good relationship with my flatmates but they undermine all my efforts to clean the kitchen by not appreciating our way of living.

Another good thing happened today. Being Friday evening, Erica was going downtown with an Italian friend of hers. So I noticed the typical make-up which girls do. I haven't seen this much in India, and I personally don't dress up REALLY well for parties, but this thing in Europe never fails to amaze me.

Firstly, she took a long shower and came out all fragrant. She applied a little make up, removed her glasses and wore lenses( I commented her on that, and told her she looks cute in glasses) and then she wore an amazing dress. It was just a lace sweater over, well, nothing... Pretty see through, ha. And I must admit that she was looking beautiful, in a ...well...desirable sort of a manner.

I haven't had a crush on anybody for a long time now, and have kept myself pretty numb for any kind of infatuation. So I looked at her, smiled, complimented her and forgot her. But the truth is that she was looking amazing in that dress.

Well, she is throwing a beer party tomorrow in the house for her labmates, and although I ve been invited, I think I'd rather pass my time in the lab surfing the web or reading my novel.

I ve heard the anti-reservation thing is growing in India. I just came to know that the senior residents in the hospitals have gone on casual leave and have refused to recruit new doctors. Recruits, in the meanwhile, are being manhandled by agitating students. Although I strongly advocate meritocracy, a little voice inside me still thinks that this might provide a lot of benefit to those students, who would otherwise have remained neglected and devoid of any oppurtunity. I know the hearts of thousands of general category students will be broken, but something tells me that they can fare well in the smaller colleges as well. But reservation WILL provide some kind of an oppurtunity to lakhs of people from who are socially so backward that contemplating of an admission in an engineering college is a distant dream for them. Cummon, look at the plight of a 18 year old Jat in A small village in Rohtak who drops out after failing +2, who comes to the city to become a bus conductor, just because he is a backward caste and that's what he has been told to do. At least now he can take admission in a nearby polytechnic and be employed as a technician or be the service agent for the local aqua guard dealer. Or maybe he can open his own spare parts shop.

But then I think of how hard i prepared for IITs, and I become sad when i know that the indian government is going to implement this law in September 2007. This means that budding engineers- young boys and girls who are thinking of going to KOTA or subsribing to FIITJEE correspondence notes now, will be highly disillusioned. After all, how many of them actually think they can make it?? Many IITians are droppers. Now, very few students will take JEE twice. I am being a little bold by saying this but SC/ST/OBC students do little in terms of extra-curriculur activities. And statistics show that they are not very good at academics either. Somehow, I am afraid that IIT will become such a dull place to live in.....

But then, are the General category students, really doing what IIT trained them for, when they spent 15-17 lakhs on each student. The Nehruvian ideal of IITs are lost. Atleast, till a few years ago, Brain Drain could be justified by saying that with better oppurtunities, these students are serving science. The presence of Indians(read IITians) influenced Silicon Valley so much into becoming what it is today. But by going into i-banks and making softwares for banks to predict the rise and fall of stock markets, aren't these IITians really DECEIVING their country.

I know reservation is a touchy issue. I want no arguements. I myself support and strongly criticize the afore-said statements, and therefore it is enough that i argue with myself. And after watching the police beat up those students so mercilessly, I am strongly, openly and vehemently against any reservation laws.

And ya, before i end...a cartoon to amuse you. I liked it as it involved a lil bit of genetic engineering and patents, things which have been troubling me for quite some time now....

So i return....

Its been 4 days in Tuebingen..n i don't feel that i have come to a new place at all. ITs like a second home to me. And i have already found such a good company, atleast with the indians here....

Erica was out for the weekend....so i had invited isabelle to accompany us for the trekking trip. For the uninitiated ones, I had proposed that all of us go to Wurmlinger Kapelle this weekend. Its this beautiful little chapel on the top of a hill around 7 kms away from Tuebingen. I knew the way and I just wanted to have a little exercise on a sunday...so i decided to give it a try. And it definitely was a great trip.

Tanmay arrived here today. The guy has just finished his B.Sc Chemistry from St. Stephen's. Going to Oxford for his Masters in Biology. And he is coming on a short internship. I must say that high point in the day was not the amazing trip, but the fact that I met this wonderful person called Tanmay.

To start with, he looks just like Nawal. He talks like him, gestures like him, smiles like him and is about the same physique and height. And the amazing thing which i learnt on our way back is that he is a Rhodes Scholar. This 20 year old extremely polite guy is among the 5 indians to win the rhodes scholarship to study at Oxford. And he is the grandson of Shri Bharat bhushan Agarwal- the great hindi writer.

I spent so much time with him today- talking about the roles of IITians and we scientists in general, and our contributions to the society. It was so refreshing to talk to him, and finally i found someone who shared my views about life to some extent.

This is what i have been thinking for some time now. About what i am doing here....what all of us are doing here. My lab mate indro is working on beta propellers. His research work is pure science...sometimes i feel all basic research is just like that-pure science, just to satisfy the curiousty of humans. There is very little impact it has on mankind.

Lupas is giving me 700 euros per month. Besides that I would be using a no. of enzymes, chemicals....every morning when i have my shower I think this. In short, the government of germany is spending a few lakhs rupees on me this summer. Only if they could have given this money to some poor developing country.

Right now, I am too young and too sentimental to understand world economics. But i understand human behaviour, and i can only surmise that this is the way the world functions. There are a few fortunate ones and a few really unfortunate ones.

Thoughts like these strengthen my resolve to come back to my country one day and serve people. Civil services sounds so meaningful. With one good decision,one can bring happiness to the lives of thousands of people. And even i achieve a technological breakthrough with my research, it will only bring more comfort to the already comfortable life of so many people in these developed countries.

Am i sounding too crazy now?? I know i shouldn't be like KK in Hazaron khawashien aisi, who sacrificed everything for his pseudo cpaitlaist- marxist ideas and went to some bhopal village. But atleast i can try to change my attitude to think about others around me as well, not just work to earn fat salaries or make lifestyle drugs.

I don't know..i am just too confused. MAybe i just need to do whatever i am doing. MAybe i am too small to think of such things. Maybe i should go to sleep right now..

more about Tanmay and my thoughts later....good night for now!!

Tuebingen, again....

I;ll start with a little description of the scene now.....

Its 7:55 pm right now....i am hungry but not too enthusiastic about making a dinner...i am too tired for the day to study. Its drizzling outside, and the temp is around 10 degrees. There is a an australian guy, a german girl and a turkish girl behind me eating what looks like some 'chane ki daal' but which lacks the gravy so visibly noticeable in indian curries. I came to the common room hoping to find something on the TV, but the only english channel is CNN, which is lulling me to sleep. I am a little bored, but still happy at just being here.....

Tuebingen has welcomed me more warmly than i could ever imagine. People are warm n friendly, andrei seems to be happy, karin liked my gift, I got a beautiful room with a well-stocked kitchen....its like home coming for me!!!

Serisouly, its more fun than i ever thought it would be. I was amayed by the welcome ir eceived here.....everybody seemed to be expecting me...yesterday morning when i was waiting for andrei...everybody in the lab came forward and asked me about my VISA problem...it was more than comforting....it showed that somebody cared. totally contrary to the kind of oblivion i was expecting here...

And I got 2 angels as my flatmates - Erica and Isabelle. Its been just 2 days with them and already i have this feeling that the next two and a half months are going to be such fun. Erica is pretty - she is like one of those sweet, cute, girls who walks around the house in pyjamas and rabbit slippers. One look at her and you cannot imagine that she is actually 27. Isabelle is witty, who teases me whenever she has the oppurtunity. They just fit each other so well...#

Living with girls can be awkward at times. Like i have to take special care to keep the bathroom clean. I always make sure i dont roam around just like that in the house. And NEVER leave any unnecessay piece of garment in the bathroom. Its actually quite embarrasing to see little pieces of clothing in my bathroom.....and those girly things in the cupboard( if they ARE really what i think they are), but i am sure i'll get used to it. The best deal is that i have good company, so unlike the cold spanish girl i had last time and that dumb nerdish half-indian guy i had to spend so much time with.

I feel so different now, compared to when i came here an year ago. I am more confident, quite, reserved and mature. There is little enthu to travel, practically no home sickness, and an equally strong desire to work hard this year as well.

The first sight that greeted me as i arrived in Tuebingen was that huge grass hill. It kindled happy memories, but i let them drift away as i have been doing for past many months now. There is a huge terrace on my floor( top floor), and the hill seems so small and accessible from there. I can still make out the small bench over there....it is still as beautiful as ever. I plan to go there this weekend, if the weather holds good.

I have been crying for a vacation for such a long time now...and i know this is the perfect vacation for me. I didn't need a vacation from work, but i needed one from the suffocating atmosphere which IIT had put me into. Work , on the contrary keeps me happy. But after Biohorizon and GRE and the majors, I really needed a break. I got an almost perfect one. 'Almost' because nothing is completely perfect without your near and dear ones. Yes, I occasionally miss my friends....

I am still undecided whether i should start drinking again or not. The 'moral' sahil is judging the 'practical' one. There are atleast a doyen bottles of wine in my kitchen(thanks to isabelle, whose uncle owns a wine yard)...and there's good beer in the supermarket. But i have decided to restrain myself. I am letting the 'good' sahil dominate now...so this means that i wake before 7 am everyday...follow it with push-ups and Pranayaam; I work hard, I sleep early, and I try to be as polite and helpful as possible. Non-veg is a strict no no. Will start jogging soon. And of course, there are so many gifts to be brought this year.

I had my first wet-lab experience today. Was so nervous that my hands were literally shaking even while using the measuring balance. The absence of hoods means that sterile atmosphere needs to be maintained in the labs, so the mind needs to be very alert. I was so nervous that i developed acidity in my stomach, and when Michael finally let me off....i ran all the way to the ground floor to the vending machine and got myself a chilled coke. Phew!!!!

Am planning to buy a bike soon....then it will be easier to roam around the country side with friends or alone. I wanna see that castle which i missed the last time....and of course the underground caves. But first I'll got to the that capel on the top of the little hillock and cry a little....

I promise to come back a much better person. And yes, I am very proud of myself!!