Home, sweet home!!

Finally my beautiful little internship has come to an end. An internship- which was more than just an internship to me. It was, to say the least, a much deserved vacation after the hectic last sem wherein i indulged myself in the totally irresponsible 'luxury' of Biohorizon, GRE and finally the most blood-suckng majors in my past 4 years.

Its amazing how the value of friendship is reflected at the time of departure. A simple bonding, which is taken for granted for such a long time, suddenly becomes taut when one is going away. I would be lying if i say that I ve never enjoyed the pain which follows; its this pain only which makes me conscious of the simple bond.

Anyways, about last week. Well, Wednesday evening was fun as i had dinner with the italians who were partying in the building. I happened to be in the kitchen at that time and so Francisco politely asked me to join them. the sight of the Pasta was irreristable. What I did not realise was that there was just pasta with salt and pepper-no sight of any sauce. Apparently, the head cook had got frustrated at boiling 6 kgs of Tortellini(believe me, there were 15 of us and even 2 servings couldn't fill us) and they decided to eat it as it was. I too politely offered my unopened pack of Navratan Korma, realising that i had got only a spoonful of a delicacy which i had kept for 2.5 months to be savoured in my privacy.

They followed it up with 5 brick of icecreams.Apparently, it was supposed to be a clean pasta-icecream-cofffee farewell party for an italian girl who was leaving. I didn't stay long enough for the coffee, but I remember helping myself to atleast 3 servings of that great- looking, mouth-watering, chocolate- dripping Ice cream.

I slept peacefully that night.

On friday Andrei had the final farewell chat with me. He liked the gifts i got for him. I wasn't tongue-tied or intimidated in his presence this time. I had prepared well for this meeting. It was short-only 30 minutes(quite unlike Andrei). But the end result was brilliant. I was offered a job- to come back here as a PhD. I think it does not matter if i actually even think of coming here, but what matters is that i won't be unemployed when i pass out-----

I also gave a little farewell to my lab on friday. I got 2 sumptuous looking cakes(an Apple Pie and an Almond-cherry cake) from the supermarket. The feeling that everybody was there because i was leaving was nice. Even if the feeling was artificially created. There were light jokes, little talk about my future, about my coming back here.......ooops, that just reminds me. There's still some cake in the Fridge!

I went on a dinner with Mahendra and his wife Tressa that evening. They took me to a posh italian restaurant. They have a 7 month old daughter Adya, and both speak fluent German. I saw little crudeness in their behaviour, little haughtiness that we are indians and they are germans and that both ought to be different. They have adapted themselves to this culture so very beautifully. I had a huge quatre fromage(sorry but i learnt it in french) and followed it with a glass of wine. The restaurant was so elegant that i don't remember going to such a place even in india. I slept like a baby.

Had Poori-Aloo yesterday. Deepti made it for all of us. Bilkul mummy ki tarah!!! I ate 14 puris( not that i was counting) and still had space for some more. Then we had some mango shake to satisfy the materialistic cravings of a malnourished soul.

India, here i come!!

Why??

I found this on Bhagal's orkut profile...really liked it. Simple and true!!

Many a times I stop and wonder why
My mood is gloomy and my spirit is shy
Is it because I watch the time passing by ..
Or is it bcoz my pace is slow and my ambitions are high

Main nahin haroonga....

The ecstasy of pain

Its the same old story all the time. I work too much, i sleep less, i watch a lot of movies and i talk aloud in the loo.

And sometimes i burn myself - to the stretch of pain....

Yesterday i played badminton - at a stretch for more than an hour, to the point of killing myself. It was humid, i was tired, but i went on and on. And now I feel it, the pain in the shoulders, the forearm and the legs.

And I love the feeling.....

There's an ecstasy in the pain!!

There's a method to my madness....

YEsterday was shopping day. I persuaded Rajesh to take me to REutlingen. It would be a shame to say that i have lived 4 months of my life in Tuebingen without ever once being to Reutlingen.

Reutlingen is a bigger town only 15 minutes away from here. It is bigger and the more industrial cousin of Tuebingen, except that it has no university. And the famous Indian shop in this entire area is in Reutlingen.

Well, the maddus(no offence, but i call all south indians maddus and there were 3 with me) sure showed me around. And the big foodie that I am - tried everything yesterday, from falafal to some italian spinach dish to ice creams to beer and chips and god knows what. Also did loads n loads of shopping, a word which i had forgotten over the years.

Evening was more cooking time. India was geographically well represented as there was Pradeep and Durga(AP), Rajesh(half Chennai & half UP), Trupti(Pune) and me(everywhere). Trupti made chappatis(with little unwanted help from me), I made Egg curry and Rajesh made aloo. And the Rice cooker made Rice.

It was a fun evening, with jokes, hindi songs, and some very good food. As usual, to give the evening a perfect Sahil Sethi ending, I saw a movie. This time i finally found Jurassic Park III (KL said it was unfortunate that i had seen none of the Jurassic Park series).

Raniya cooked me a great lunch today. It was brown pasta(like brown bread) with cheese and eggs and mushrooms and maize and yoghurt with some Tabasco and juice.

Yummy!

Help!

It was the Friday get together today, which means more beer, Pretzels and lots of juice. But I was interested in really catching somebody and pakaofying him. So i got my Pretzel and glass of orange juice and went directly to where Birte and Dirk were standing.

Karin(my prof'S secy) asked me again this morning whether I would like to come back here or not. Somehow I have been very honest with everybody whenever this question has been asked. This is how I answer this question.

"Well,", with a sligh shrug of my shoulders, "if Andrei invites me, why not??"

"But why won't he?".

"Yeah! ". I sigh. "But I want to do my PhD from United States. I have also given my GRE, Graduate record examination , which is for higher studies in the US. I want to go to the best universities there."

"So which university do you want to go to?"

"Hmm...I don't know!" I hate myself when i say that. "I have applied to MIT, John Hopkins, Stanford and University of Pennsylvania. Just fancying my chances at the best". And then i smile. "I will also apply to the other places, the better ones - Duke, maybe HArvard, Georgia TEch, Michigan, Wisconsin, UCSF, ....maybe more. "

But then , as in self defence, "But I am not sure if I actually want to do a PhD or not!" Maybe I will get a good job in India, and I might leave research for ever."

But that's no self defence. That'S true. I am not sure as to what I want to do in life.

Well, about the PhD in US thing, I put that question before Birte and Dork. We had a looongg discussion for an hour and what came out was something which I knew but refused to accept.

The research is the same. The profile of your supervisors is similar. And there is little pressure in Germany due to more assured grants. The lab rotations are not needed for those who really know in which field they want to go. And I, they surmised, should know it much better thanks to my two internships and the fact that I come from one of the best colleges(duhh!!) in my country.

But even then I have inhibitions to come to Germany. The reasons are manifold. Maybe its because getting a PhD here is not so competitive and I would be working alongside a graduate from IISc Bangalore. Somehow I am afraid that it will make me feel like I have wasted the past 4 years of my life. I do not want to sound condescending here but I have always wanted to go to the best only.

Maybe its because everybody goes to the United States and says its the best place to go to. But I know their reasons. Its because they don't want to learn a foreign language. OR because they have grown up watching hollywood movies and nurtutring american dreams. Or they just want to settle there, away from what they call the 'dirt and filth' of this nation.

But I know that these are not the reasons. Deep down I know that. I want to come to States because France and Germany have both disillusioned me a little.

I do not want to go to France again. Never, never! About Tuebingen, its a beautiful place to live in. But I have never made much of my time here. I only dream about the mountain biking I will do or the swimming I will learn or the barbacues i will host or the beer parties i will throw or the camping i will do and so on.

But i have excuses for all that. Time was short. I didn't know German. Work was hectic. Not many friends.

I just don't want to give myself excuses five years from now.

Atleast by staying in the student life I am giving myself hope of being able to do all these things which i missed in my teenage years. But my getting into the corporate world, I can only think of going more into the quicksand.

One of the reasons i am attracted towards the idea of a PhD is that it allows me to stay with Science. Science - which I love, which I ve always lived with. I do not care about the money at all, as long as I get a decent standard of living. And also because I will still be a student.

Research suits my personality. I am thoughtful, independent, honest and an extrovert. I also have good leadership skills. True, some of these qualities work in the corporate world as well, but there is no harm if I could employ these in basic science. Everything is not about the money after all.

Cummon, I will be one of the youngest post graduates in IIT with a masters at the age of 22. I do not need to start working. I should see more of the world, enjoy more, understand myself before venturing out into this 'big, bad adult world!'

Or maybe I want to do a PhD because I do not want to take the alternative route - that of a highpaying job. Its competitive, its lucrative, it helps me make contacts, it gives security to my parents after they retire, it helps me stay in India!

India, the country I love, the country I want to serve!

But will it make ME happy?

Over the past two years I have observed so much hypocricy in people, especially those who take up management jobs. Maybe the lure of money made them like this. Maybe my ideals made me tilt towards the other, more unorthodox side. But I have decided that I will leave an honest life. And I do not find that honesty in wearing gawdy clothes and going to discs and hitting on girls - things which come with money. And neither do I find that in finding silly solutions to company's problems(with no offence to wannabe consultants).

And I definitely find it more fulfilling to publish 30 papers over a 20 yr old career and influence the direction of science than trying to lower somebody'S tax returns or trading somebody'S stocks online or staying in 5 stars and drinking black coffee with your american clients!

Do I sound like a man who is afraid of taking risks, of exploring new things? I am so contradictory, amn't I? On one hand I talk about being an entrepreneur which is all about risk taking and socialising and networking and being ambitious and what not. And on the other hand I run away from things by talking about going into research which has little fun, lots of frustration, and can lead to terribly miserable lives as well.

And then i reply, almost defensively, that I will go into industry later. Get some hands on experience at how drugs are made, get some money and then after several years maybe start something of my own - ofcourse in India.

Oh, you will say, just do what your heart says. Don't you feel passionate about something?

The point is - there is so little i feel really passionate about. If passion is the only deciding factor in what you want to do, then I would sit at home and watch movies all day.

I know I am not all alone. There are thousands of people like me, who do not know what they want to do in life.

But then there are also thousands more who do.

I am reading Fountain head these days. Ayn Rand condemns these aimless kind of people. She says her book is not intended for them, they can never be leaders, never make a difference to this world. Her protagonist, Howard Roark, knew that he wanted to be an architect at the age of 12.

I strongly disagree with her .Maybe thats why I want to do the unconventional and prove her wrong. Prove everybody wrong!

HELP!!!


PS: On the brighter side, I had lunch with Norah today. She is the sweetest thing on earth it seems. She is a fellow intern here and we both have the same PhD supervisor. I was pleasantly suprised to know that she is a vegetarian too. And not due to any religious reasons or cruelty to animals( my initial reason) but because she doesn't like eating meat.

I so wanted to hug her when she said that. The only person in the world I know who has given me back my reasons for becoming vegetarian.

And she made me feel ashamed when I told her that sometimes I eat chicken once in 2-3 months. She's been sticking to her resolve for a good 12 years now. And trust me, her german parents even showed her to a psychiatrist and a dietician for that.

I just love this girl :) .

Green DAy

Its an amazing experience when things come alive in front of you. The other day, I was playing Green Day - Wake me up when September ends, in my kitchen and i asked Tovah( an American flatmate) as to whether she's heard that before.

She nodded her head, gave me a little smile and said, " My boyfriend is in the marines. He was in Iraq when i first heard that song. It tohtalllly freaked me out! ".

I remember how much i liked that song when i saw the video for the first time. And the Iraq element just makes me love it. But here i met somebody who has lived through the song. Isn't it amazing to see so much reality around you??

Of lazy sundays and German movies!

I saw more movies today. Started with "The best man" - nice cute little romantic flick, brought a smile to my face in the morning(or was it afternoon, phew...can't even remember).

I finally found X-men 3 in English - cam print though! Still liked it. Surely is better than the other X-men movies...just like the matrix. It ends with a big war in the end.

But the best was 1984. Yes, George Orwell'S classic novel was made into a movie a long time ago. I didn't know that, but I ahve always wanted to see that novel translated on the celluloid film. I remember that Equilibrium(or is it Constantine), the Keano Reeves movie, is based on 1984. But having to see one of my favourite books word to word on the big screen is a great experience.

Yes, the movie is ane xact copy of the book. Its a 1956 movie, made in the middle of the cold war(the book was written in 1949), and I can only imagine the impact the book and the movie must ve had on the american prejudice against Communism. I didnt exactly see it but just browsed through it in 20 minutes...stopping to watch interesting scenes only.

I made an interesting observation in the movie. The sex scenes. One doesn't expect to see naked women in a 1956 movie. But this is different. The movie is about choice, about rebellion, about blindly believing the government. And what could be more rebellious than open, on-screen, unashamed sex.

There was no fun in that act of making love. No passion. No lust. It just had to be done. The treatment was brutal. These two were not having sex coz they loved each other, but just because they were the only two people in a world of statues. It was, like an obligation. To save the humanity.

The fact that they are not famous actors makes it all the more less sensationalised. One doesnt see the movie for the sex, but for the reason for which they do it. I remember thinking about the necessity of having the affair in the book, when they could simply have had underground meetings, or writings, or music, or paintings...anything to show the rebellion. But what greater crime than sex itself.

It wasn't adultery as such. Because adultery is discouraged, but accepted; and tolerated. It is UNDERSTANDABLE as to why a perfectly honest person can have an illicit affair with somebody else. But here, it is not tolerated. It is not even a crime. Merely thinking about it is a cirme( the Thought Police). Doing it is a sin so severely condemnable that even burning them alive is not the correct punishment for them. That is why, they feed them to rats - live! And show it to the masses!!

IS anybody listening??

There are times when all you do is want to cry. All your rationals, your principles, the principles which govern your life, your fears, complexes, insecurities, troubles.--everything gets out of a single vent, in the form of tears.

This is that moment for me now. No, i am not crying. Not in the literal sense of the word. But my brain is screaming, for justice, for peace, for humanity!!

I cry in pain!

I just finished watching hotel rwanda now. The movie has deeply touched me. I ve read such things happen, but to see it is a different thing altogether. 100,000 deaths in a few months - is that a joke??

What happened in Rwanda is no different from what is happening all over the world now? We fight over skin colour, we fight over gods, we fight overcastes..and not only do we fight, but we kill. Is there no humanity left in the world?


There were never any Tutzis and hutus in rwanda. Not by birth. Not by nationality. They were made by the belgians. on the basis of height. And the width of the nose. And the hatred was fuelled by the french. And so their subsequent generations were killed. Why? becuase their grandfathers had a thicker nose??

Width of the nose??

...............................


Is anybody listening?

The crusades...
the holocaust..
the witch hunters..
india's partition...
sri lanka....
palestine...
gujarat........

And we call ourselves sane? intelligent? possessing consciousness?

That is what we do right? Get into IITs. Make softwares for big companies to serve their big fat clients so that they can buy a big TV and watch it on a fucking sunday evening with their family where they show a massacre of a hundred people in rwanda, so that they can take a big swill of wine and exclaim, "How terrible!!"

OR make shampoos to prevent their hairloss? I am sure that is what i will be doing 20 years from now!

your god, my god..
your caste, my caste..
your country, my country,
your colour, my colour..
your hair, your nose, your height.....your wife, your mom!

Are we going to fight over our mothers next?

Are we returning to the stone age?? no, no, no.....this is worse than stone age. Atleast, then the humans lived in herds and didnt kill each other!

I have heard of "social darwinism", "survival of the fittest", "unipolar world"..............but have never believed so! my belief in the righteouness of human nature is strong

enough not to let me belive so......

I wonder how far will be the day when i will lose all my rationality and kill my best friend! Then somebody can give me a nice lecture on human nature.

If they could kill their neighbours on the basis of a division created in 100 years based on the width of the nose, then i wonder when will the day arrive when my neighbour will kill me coz i am a sethi and he is a sharma.

IS anybody listening??

Is anybody listening??

Zombie!

Finally work seems to be taking its toll on me. Last week was very busy and my life had become quite mechanical. Waking up, going to the lab, reactions, orkutting, lunch, dinner(the same thing pulav pulav pulav...its easy, its delicious) and sleep. I was in a trance. Forgetting to return things, too absent minded to return compliments...comfortably numb.

Well I still haven't been able to clone my gene, as if it matters!!

Wednesday evening was different from others. Cedric, the only french guy in the lab, had invited us to his home for the france vs portugal match. Cedric is a friendly guy and he was the one who really helped me settle down in the lab last year. He is a cute, short french guy who speaks fluent french, german, English and Icelandic, and has a typical french sense of humour( and a very french temper as well). He had a one room apartment and shared his kitchen with a german girl.

The room was pretty big with an extendable couch for a bed. There was a large book shelf and another cup board with drinks. I helped myself to a beer and finished the huge cheese kebab which i had bought from downtown. Other guys arrived soon and i found a portuguese supporter in Dirk. His wife is Brasilian and his bro-in-law lives in Portugal and he goes there often. Soon the conversation shifted to Portugal. My eyes glanced at a royal green bottle of Port wine on cedric'S shelf. The temptation was too much.

Dirk explained me thoroughly the history behind port wine and i helped myself to some. Its very sweet, and generally taken as dessert. I remember buying port wine the 3rd day on my arrival to Lyon. That was the only time i had tasted port wine before, and this one was certainly much better than the 2€ supermarket stuff in Lyon.

Cedric had also arranged for a little barbacue. So, while the Europeans helped themselves to sausages, I had to contend with the salads only. It was 2 hours of fun, good conversation, good food and nice friendly mature people having a little get together. I like such kind of parties.

I saw a rainbow today, in its full glory. It wasn't like one of those partial rainbows which seem to hang in mid air or have their ends in the horizon far far away. This one was complete and had both its feet inside the city, with one somewhere on the hill in front of me. I could almost touch it. Well, almost!!

Allez les bleus!!

Love has no caste, no gender, no species!!!

In a country being torn apart by caste driven strife, here is an example of an inter-species love story.

This photo was taken yesterday in Lucknow.

What better than the monsoon for the honeymoon??

Yes minister!

Whoever said India is going to be a superpower in another 10 years must ve been terribly mistaken. Not with a commerce minister like this:

Karan Thapar: The NSSO 1999 [...] conclusively shows that the share of SCs, STs and OBCs in employment is exactly proportional to their share of the population.
Kamal Nath: […] You take one district and you say this is happening. Is it happening everywhere?
Karan Thapar: Yes these NSSO figures are nationwide.
Kamal Nath: Your figures are inaccurate.
Karan Thapar: They are not my figures, they are your figures.
Kamal Nath:That’s what you are saying.
Karan Thapar: They are the national sample survey figures 1999. They are available from the government. They are authenticated by the government. They are disseminated by the government.
Kamal Nath:That's what you are saying.
Karan Thapar: That's not what I am saying, that's what the government is saying.
Kamal Nath: That's what you are saying what the government is saying. That's not what I am saying and that's not what NSSO saying.
Karan Thapar: It seems that you don't know the NSSO figures.
Kamal Nath: It seems to me that what you read, you do not reflect in the context in which it is.
Karan Thapar: When you distrust the NSSO figures ....
Kamal Nath: I am not distrusting NSSO figures. Do you think the government is off its head? We have been winning elections.

God save the queen!!

My petite chateau

Well i seem to have settled well in my new home now. Its been 2 weeks, full of some gruesome cooking sessions, some heavy duty high intensity movie akharas in the night and yes how can i forget sitting on the pot for hours praying to God for some miracle!!!

Well this is about my new flatmates. There are 15 of us who share a kitchen and often bump into each other. We are an interesting lot. There's me who always uses the same vessel( a huge pressure cooker) which everybody else is afraid to touch and who brings weird indians speaking loudly in their native tongues preparing weird dishes. Then there's an American named Scot. He's from Washington(not DC) whose fav past-time, as he claims, is shooting birds with a shot-gun. There's another american gal, and the only thing i remember about her is the ,"It was like....", "She was like..."!!

Then there's Francisco, a quiet italian guy who is happy by the mere fact that i remember his name. There's Hilde, another quiet German girl who's learning Japanese and dreams of settling in Japan one day. OH She's the prohpper, well-mannered European girl who will politely say hello and bye but no more.

Then there's a Polish girl Monika with a perpetual look of insecurity on her face. It shows when she says hello(everybody has to say that....greeting a fellow human is the first virtue Europeans are taught), but she is all bubbly and cheesy when it comes to Poland. An amazing smile(which is soooo rare) and beautiful tanned legs.

I bumped into another guy today-meedu. Born in afghanistan, he speaks Pashto, Urdu, German and English. It was amazing to talk to him in Urdu today and the first name that came out of his mouth on hearing india was Shah rukh Khan. He loves Salman and AAmir and I ve promised to show him RDB soon.

Then there's a sweet German girl Judith. I thought she meant Goliath the first time i heard her name( thats how i remember it easily). She has an Iranian boyfriend who lives on the floor below and hates Germany. Well....'

But the best is yet to come. Today i met this amazing girl called Raniya Bacharia. Due to her name(helpless princess) and the fact that she speaks crystal clear English with a slight arabic accent(she's from Lebanon), she is quite popular among the indians here. I am really looking forward to some good times(ahemmm.....)

And for the first time ever, i agree with Suri. Germany sucks. It was Nadal vs Agassi in 3rd round Wimbledon today and the German version of Eurosport was showing Tour De France!!!! Even some french guys say tour de France is pathetic and they would love to see Wimbledon, especially with Amelie Mauresmo in great form.

PS: FRance deserved to win today. It was much better football today than the stupid Argentina vs Germany match the other day. And one thing's for sure, the French are much better acrobats than the Brasilians!!